Day 10 : 29/03/2011 : FAST

I'm fasting today, I like fasting but hate water I need some flavour in there :( I'm also going to the gym tonight with my sister eek.

I was craving food before but then this guy who I am in love with but not in contact with (because we can't be together and it was driving me insane) has just emailed me out of the blue so I feel sick now :( Just when I feel like I get over him he comes back to me. We've never had sex, he was in a relationship when we met and we became friends which developed into more, this lasted about 6 months of being in love with each other but not doing anything about it.

He finally dumped his girlfriend and told me he wasn;t going to get into a relationship with me but wasn't going to see anyone else....he said he needed some time to get over that relationship (fair enough) but I am a control freak and couldn't handle that so told him that whilst I still loved him I needed to let him go. I gave him the choice "make more of an effort with me or watch me walk" he is so stubburn he watched me walk and it killed me.

I deleted his number, email & facebook and kept to my promise that he wouldn't exsist to me (silently suffering!!!) but I saw him at a club a few weeks ago and spoke briefly (we have lots of mutual friends so it's difficult to ignore) which brought back old feelings but I still didnt give in and try to contact him.....

So now almost 2 weeks later he emails me, friendly chatting emails which is what made us fall for each other in the first place....which is what I CANT DO AGAIN!

It got to the point where I was taking methadone based pain killers just to sleep, hyperventilating and being sick because my heart was literally breaking. I can't even be his friend because of this.

Sorry for ranting, I guess it's easy to pour your heart out to people you don't know....and it has made me not want to eat because I know I'll be seeing him agan at a trance night in 10 days (need.to.be.skinnier)

I hope I last on this fast!! I'll update later x