Day 10 : 29/03/2011 : FAST

I'm fasting today, I like fasting but hate water I need some flavour in there :( I'm also going to the gym tonight with my sister eek.

I was craving food before but then this guy who I am in love with but not in contact with (because we can't be together and it was driving me insane) has just emailed me out of the blue so I feel sick now :( Just when I feel like I get over him he comes back to me. We've never had sex, he was in a relationship when we met and we became friends which developed into more, this lasted about 6 months of being in love with each other but not doing anything about it.

He finally dumped his girlfriend and told me he wasn;t going to get into a relationship with me but wasn't going to see anyone else....he said he needed some time to get over that relationship (fair enough) but I am a control freak and couldn't handle that so told him that whilst I still loved him I needed to let him go. I gave him the choice "make more of an effort with me or watch me walk" he is so stubburn he watched me walk and it killed me.

I deleted his number, email & facebook and kept to my promise that he wouldn't exsist to me (silently suffering!!!) but I saw him at a club a few weeks ago and spoke briefly (we have lots of mutual friends so it's difficult to ignore) which brought back old feelings but I still didnt give in and try to contact him.....

So now almost 2 weeks later he emails me, friendly chatting emails which is what made us fall for each other in the first place....which is what I CANT DO AGAIN!

It got to the point where I was taking methadone based pain killers just to sleep, hyperventilating and being sick because my heart was literally breaking. I can't even be his friend because of this.

Sorry for ranting, I guess it's easy to pour your heart out to people you don't know....and it has made me not want to eat because I know I'll be seeing him agan at a trance night in 10 days (need.to.be.skinnier)

I hope I last on this fast!! I'll update later x

Day 9 : 28/03/2011 : 500 calories

So I haven't posted in a few days......I went out over the weekend and blew about 5 days calories on alcohol in one night, ended up doing some drugs, partying til 8am and spent Sunday in bed.....story of my life...

I am too afraid to weigh myself because alcohol always bloats me up (so I am now caining the water tablets) BUT I'm not going to let it push me back, today is day 9 and a 500 calorie day, under my new 'minus 100' rule that means I'm actually allowed 400.

The liquid rule certainly lasted all weekend, alcohol is liquid right? haha, but it's not sustainable and I think eating 400 calories rather than drinking it is going to keep me more motivated and mae sure I stick to this. I might alternate the days between liquid and food, see what that does to my metabolism!

Seeing as preparation is the key to succeeding this I have already bought the day's food and it consists of some Philadelphia Splendips & Chicken Bites - 271 calories + low cal soft drinks = <300 calories. I'll probably have a banana or something later.

I am not weighing myself until Saturday morning , I have my run with Hotty on Friday night I need to de-bloat!!!!

H xx

Day 7 : 26/03/2011 : 300 calories

Today is a 300 calorie day but because of my new rules I'm actually allowed 200 and they have to be juice/liquid.

I'm tempted to walk into town and buy myself a tall vanilla creme with no whipped cream (174 cals) YUM.

I'm craving milk more than anything :\ I could buy slim-a-soups that are low cal and luid but they have stock in them (beef, chicken etc). We'll see what I fancy later.

Last night was so so hard, everywhere I looked there was food and it got to 7pm,8pm,9pm,10pm where I even contemplated binging and starting again tomorrow but I thought NO! If I don't do it now I never will. Even if I started it again I'd still be faced with the same hunger and cravings as I am now and probably give in again.....soooo I staye strong :D

Im a little tired today and my typing is rubbish! Don't know if that's the lack of food! I'll update later x

Day 6 : 25/03/2011 : 200 calories

So I weighed myself on my mum's digital scales last night and in 5 days I've lost 8lbs! She even commented on how much thinner my face looks and how flat my tummy is. YUSSSSSSS!!!

So I thought I'd shake it up a little and for the next 44 days I'd take 50-100 calories off days over 200+ calories (i.e on a 200 calorie day I'd eat 100....on a 500 I'd eat 400) AND for the next week, starting today, I'd go on a juice fast and all my daily calories will be juice. The rules are - No fizzy drinks! Just juice, smoothies & milkshakes...Oh and cups of tea with sweetner!

So it's like the Haylie version of the ABC diet which is bloody hardcore! Today is a 200 calorie day so I'm going to have 100 calories of juice (already had 5 cals & it's 7.30am).

My friend Holly is coming for a run with me tonight and I'm just about to get ready and walk to work so I am exercising. Not as much as I could but I'm still getting off my fat ass!

I'll update later.

*******Update*******

I was supposed to have 100 calories I actually had 35 calories from juice....I am quite proud of myself actually but I know that I should've reached my target of 100 because that's the point of this diet really....



H xx

Day 5 : 24/03/2011 : 100 calories

I fucked up badly!! I thought today was a 300 calorie day so I ate 300 calories but it's actually 100 calories!! I want to kick myself.

I am going to have 200 calories tomorrow (stick with the plan) and then have 100 calories on Saturday instead of today...so I've basically switched the two days around. I don't think it's going to make any difference overall to be honest which is good because when I fuck up on my 'diet' I go one of two ways: I either purge until I'm bleeding or I just eat more and more (and more) and manage to purge about half...so I'm glad I'm OK about it and not panicking.

So here's what I've eaten today:
Vegetable cup-a-soup (which was creamy & divine!) : 121
Philadelphia light Splendips (crackers, cream cheese & chutney) : 141
2x Sprite zero : 12
Cup of tea with tiniest bit of milk & a sweetner : <20

Total : 294

I loved the Splendips! You get 10 crackers which I broke into halves to make it last longer and you dip them in the light cheese and the chutney. The chutney was sweet/tangy so my sweet tooth is happy and the crackers were savory so I go the best of both. I also chewed each piece 20 times before swallowing :D

I am going to my mum's tonight to talk about me moving home....my drink/drugs have got out of control and she feels I need some help so I have to go but it's going to be so hard there because my parents always have junk in. Both are in their mid 40s with good jobs and work out but they still eat lots, especially sweets at night with a film.

At my sister's I never snack because she buys the food (I give her money each month) I feel like it's HER food and not mine and I have to eat what she gives me for tea...I prefer this because then I feel like I can't just open the fridge and grab something ya know?? So moving home will be difficult. I'll just have to make sure I buy my weekly food and set it aside in a cupboard somewhere so I'm not near the rest of the food in the house (if that makes sense). One good thing about my parents is they don't usually eat an evening meal so I won't be faced with that when I get home from work.

I thought I'd add my favourite thinspo picture, just becuase her starting weight is similar to mine, the time frame is similar and the body shape is similar...so it shows me a realistic goal and what to aim for. I'm hoping I can achieve this in less than 6 months because of the ABC diet and the results people have had from it. Anyways, here ya go:

H xxxx

Day 4 : 23/03/2011 : 400 calories

Thought I'd post early on as I'm bored and then update this tonight with my progress for the day!

So today is a 400 calorie day and I've pre planned my meals:

Breakfast - Low fat strawberry yoghurt (100 calories)
Lunch - Cigarette! Ha, I only smoke when I'm restricting
Tea - Turkey breast (<100 calories) & 450g of assorted veg (177 calories) for the whole pack but I'll probably only eat 1/2-3/4.
I've had 2 cans of Spite zero (12 cals) as well so I'll drink water for the rest of the day and I've also had chewing gum. So my total for the day is <389 calories :D

****Update****
I didn't eat much of the turkey or the veg so I think I've stayed way under the 400 calorie target!! Yeyeyey!!

p.s Just ranting right now but I don't get why my sister's boyfriend has to fucking wash up as soon as I go to bed!!! (my bedroom is downstairs!) Making loads of fucking noise. We all watched a film and he sat there playing on Facebook & on his phone why the fuck couldn't he have washed up & made his packed lunch then??? Fat fuck making food to get fatter.....I don't know if it's because I'm tired or what but I'm actually really mad :/

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My friend Holly has just asked me to go to the park and kickbox with her too soooo even better!!!
Once you get into it the ABC diet isn't so bad and I've rarely felt hungry or even wanted high calorie food, I know I'm only on day 4 but I actually believe I can do this for the whole 50 days. The only thing that bothers me is the people around me offereing me things, cooking for me or lecturing me to eat, so I can see why some people break their diet because of this.

I am 24 so I can't be told what to do by my parents etc and I live with my sister so it's not so bad. My sister does keep trying to feed me but I just keep saying no and she backs off and then helps me choose the next days food (like yesterday & today) my mum asked me what diet I'm on (as my sister had blabbed!!) but I just said I was calorie restrciting but eating so much lean meat and veggies that I can still have a lot to eat without the calories.

I can't wait to weigh myself in 3 days!!! I am already feeling slimmer, my tummy isn't flat yet but doesn't look as round any more! I've always had a smaller tummy than my thighs/bum and my hip bones have always been prominant even without a concave/flat stomach so I'm looking forward to them coming back again :D

Day 3 : 22/03/2011 : 300 calories

Lunch time day 3 and I've just eaten the chicken & new potato salad my sister made me (250 cals in total). I actually feel a bit sick after it.

I've also had 2 juices (blackcurrent you water down) & a tea with 2 sweetner and the tiniest bit of milk. I doubt the drinks will come to over 50 calories. I'll drink water for the rest of the day.

I was looking at thinspo last night and reading other girls results from the ABC diet and they vary from 40-60lbs. That's what's keeping me going. The thought that in 47 days I could be around 8/9 stone 112/126 lbs is really motivating.

I usually go out every weekend and drink/do drugs but I think that's contributed to my weight gain. I am out April 9th & 15th but if I don't drink I could dance thousands of calories off. Plus in 3 weeks I could be around 20lbs lighter so I can show off my new figure to all my friends :)

There is this absolute hotty with the most beautiful hench body that likes me (even as I am!) and I mentioned I was going to start jogging after work to him. He says he wants to come with me 3-4 times a week. If that's not motivation I don't know what is!!!

Hopefully the rest of the day will go to plan, I am in a good place in my head although I know I have a long way to go.

H xx